Intent Over Impact

So often, impact is completely missed by those creating that impact. I am speaking to the impression that is left at the end of a sentence. In both my personal and professional life, I have repeatedly asked those confiding in me of some offense to take a moment and step back to ask if they believe the "offender" (the one making a statement that has brought the "offended" to my chair) INTENDED to offend with the statement.

I ask, do you honestly believe that the speaker wanted to hurt your feelings? Was that the intent of the statement? Truthfully, on a small occasion, that might have been the intent. More often, the listener applied a personal experience or interpretation to the statement. So I ask the listener to step back and consider that clarification may be needed but to agree that the intent was not to offend. The speaker and listener will need to clarify.

Now anyone that speaks to other people, consider that everyone, and I mean EVERYONE listening to you applies intent behind your words. That intent is often set be the listeners personal experience. So when a speaker says "green" one listener will think forest green because that is the color of their car. A different listener will think lime green because it is their wife's favorite color and she has a handbag that she carries everywhere in that color. To complicate things further, the speaker meant money green...because the speaker deals with cash all day. The same is true of every sentence, paragraph, or even sigh that is addressed to another person. For successful communication please assume as little as possible about your listeners. Do not assume they knew you were kidding. Do not assume that the person you are speaking with has the same education, religion, geographic or political experiences.

The next time your father talks about your long hours, the next time your co-worker "looks funny" at you, the next time your spouse doesn't hear the details to an event please, please do not assume their intent. Ask them. You know what happens when you ass-u-me....don't make me say it.